Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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