i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
