I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
