well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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