I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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