you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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