mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
