she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
