Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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