He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
