Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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