a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I didn't shave. On purpose
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
