I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
