Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
