bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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