why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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