But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
