Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
