Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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