so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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