the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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