Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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