he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
