wakey wakey hands off snakey
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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