Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I got inside last night via doggy door
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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