You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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