Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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