And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
