You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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