so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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