I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
