Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
