This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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