So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I want her autograph on my taint
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
