why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
