would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
