I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
