i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
