I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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