dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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