just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
