Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
