...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
