the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
