seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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