And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
