I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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