I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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