In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
