My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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