walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
